


Raison d'Etre

by princemito



Series: Seattle AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Casual Sex, Depression, Disabled Character, Friends With Benefits, Hand Jobs, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Physical Disability, Porn With Plot, Seattle AU, bookstore clerk daichi, bookstore clerk suga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:10:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princemito/pseuds/princemito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daichi Sawamura graduated a year late from college and has no idea what he's doing with his life. Thankfully his best friend and former roommate Asahi Azumane was able to hook him up with a job. Who knew that working in a bookstore would lead to blow jobs in the backroom? And who knew that blow jobs in the backroom would turn into love? Note: There will not be sex in every chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot tell you the last time I wrote a sex scene and it's nearly 3am and I'm probably going to regret this tomorrow.

It had been six weeks since Daichi Sawamura graduated from college and started working in the used bookstore. His best friend and former roommate Asahi Azumane had hooked him up with the gig, and while it wasn’t what he had envisioned himself doing with his shiny new engineering degree, he was thankful for something to do.

He had grown up north of Seattle, and came down to the University District on occasion, but he would be the first to admit that a used bookstore wouldn’t have been on his list of stops. Regardless he liked it well enough. His favorite thing about it, though, had nothing to do with books. His favorite thing was, in fact, his coworker.

Koushi Sugawara was surprisingly the same age as Daichi and Asahi despite his gray hair; Daichi considered it to be more silver than gray, but it might have just been the shining light he thought his coworker emitted that skewed his perception. Suga, as he had been introduced, had been working in the bookstore before Asahi started about a ten months ago, though the exact timeline of his employment was vague.

But Daichi was six weeks into his coworkership with this guy and he was tired of being professional.

He watched Suga carry a stack of books into the back room and left his perch behind the counter. He made sure the door was closed so that he would hear the bell ring if anyone came in. They were presently the only two in the store, so Daichi thought it was the perfect time. Suga didn’t seem surprised when Daichi joined him in the back room, closing the door behind him. He didn’t even look up from the books he was sorting, and Daichi honestly felt a little offended.

As he stood there, watching Suga sort, he got the sudden image of a sexual harassment lawsuit coming his way. But to be fair, Suga had flirted with him, too. It was undeniable. There were smiles, and light hand-touches, and wandering eyes. He didn’t act that way toward Asahi, and Daichi had even asked just to make sure.

“Did you need something?”

Daichi looked up to find Suga watching him, an amused smile on his soft features. His hands continued rearranging books on the table in front of him and Daichi returned his smile. He approached his coworker without saying anything and helped him with the books. He stood closer than he needed to, every breath he took allowing him to take in the fresh, flowery scent. They finished quickly, but before they could move from their close proximity, Daichi spoke quietly. “Hey, Suga,” he said. “I think you’re beautiful.” He had been thinking very carefully of what words he wanted to use, but they were all too aggressive, or too stupid, or too gushy.

Suga smiled at him, a soft laugh escaping from his lips. The laugh said that this was not the first time he was hearing this, but that it delighted him none-the-less. “Oh?” he said, looking at Daichi, who was still standing very close.

“Yeah,” Daichi said. “You’re beautiful.”

His smile broadened as Daichi said it again. “I wasn’t sure I was ever going to hear anything from you,” he said.

Daichi’s smile was confused, his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

Suga shrugged, and without saying anything else, he wrapped his arms around Daichi’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Daichi eagerly reciprocated, his arms curling around his coworker’s waist, pulling him closer.

Their faces remained together longer than either had anticipated, their hands wandering and getting to know the other’s body in new ways. When they finally parted, both were flushed, Suga was holding Daichi’s face in both hands.

Daichi smiled down at him. “You’re so beautiful,” he said again.

That soft laughter rang out again and Suga smiled. “You’re very handsome,” he said, his fingers softly tracing the line of Daichi’s jaw.

He turned his head and gently kissed the palm of Suga’s hand before pressing another soft kiss to his lips. He kissed his cheek, then his jawline, then made his way down his neck and to the exposed collar-bone showing beneath the V-neck t-shirt. Suga let out a pleased murmur and ran his hands through Daichi’s short, coarse hair.

“Daichi,” he said softly.

He looked up and was greeted by a smile and soft brown eyes that were practically glowing. He felt Suga’s thumb rubbing gently at his temple, his other arm draped over his shoulder. The gray-haired clerk pulled the other back up for another kiss, and Daichi didn’t even need to pull him closer thanks to the fact that Suga was pressing himself into him. He could feel every curve of Suga’s body against his own and his senses were flooded with every movement. His hands found their way to Suga’s hips. Suga’s tongue found his own through open mouths and knocking teeth. Before long Daichi’s hands moved up under the light fabric of Suga’s shirt and were rewarded with the warmth of his skin. Suga continued to press himself against Daichi until there was a noticeable protrusion that had not been there before.

The hands the sought out every inch of flesh made their way down to the front of Suga’s pants, resting there gently as Daichi waited for some sort of sign or confirmation that this was okay. Suga pressed himself harder against Daichi, their lips still together. He rubbed Suga’s boner through the fabric of his khakis, which was made difficult by the movement of Suga’s hips. Before long, he gave up on trying to be slow and undid the button then the zipper on the pants.

He pulled himself away from Suga’s lips and their eyes met, steady, sure. The only thing Daichi saw in Suga’s eyes was desire. He had no idea those eyes could look like that, and it just made Daichi want him that much more. 

Suga positioned himself so that he was leaning against the table. His legs were spread just enough to keep his pants from falling down further than his thighs. Daichi knelt down in front of him and tugged at the waistband of his gray boxer-briefs to expose his erection. Suga was trembling, though his skin warm.

Daichi looked up, and spoke, his voice getting lost in the pages and pages of books around them. “Is this okay?” he asked, his hands resting gently on Suga’s hips.

Suga nodded. “Yes,” he said, the word escaping on an exhale of breath.

Daichi nodded, satisfied, and kissed the tip of Suga’s penis, causing him to shudder. He licked along its entire length before taking him into his mouth. To be fair, it wasn’t the biggest dick Daichi had ever sucked, but Suga was by no means small. He couldn’t help but think that it was just the right size, it fit so nicely. It didn’t threaten to make him gag if he took it all the way in, but it was also still somewhat of a challenge. While his lips moved up and down Suga, his tongue lapped at the head, and Suga’s hips began to move.

As he moved, one of Suga’s hands rested itself on Daichi’s head, while the other reached down and grabbed his pants, not wanting them to fall all the way down. A moan escapes his lips, encouraging Daichi. His hand leaves Daichi’s head and his buries his face in his elbow as he moans again.

Daichi looks up through his thick brows to see that all the skin he can see above the collar of Suga’s shirt is red. He pulls him entirely into his mouth, his tongue feeling every inch, and he can feel Suga getting harder, his entire body trembling as his hips press himself further into Daichi’s mouth.

“A-ahh,” Suga moans. “Dai…chi… Yeah…”

One of Daichi’s hands reaches around to feel Suga’s ass and even though he can’t see it, it feels just like he imagined it would. Despite Suga’s otherwise slender build, his hips were wide and his ass was killer. Daichi’s hands weren’t small, but it was still hard for him to get a good grasp on a single cheek.

Suga’s face remained in the crook of his elbow as he continued to moan, his body trembling and his hips pressing into Daichi. “Oh… M’god… Daichi! I… I’m…”

Daichi braced himself and gave one last, long suck. Suga’s entire body shuddered and he was unable to get the words out before releasing into Daichi’s mouth. The cum was warm as it slid down his throat, and it had a freshness to it that Daichi had never tasted before. After he drank the last of it, he looked up.

Suga’s face was still hidden by his arm and he was breathing heavily, his body twitching from time to time.

Daichi sat back and looked up, satisfied. Then his breath caught in his chest as the arm blocking Suga’s face fell away. There were tears on his soft, red cheeks. Daichi stood up suddenly as Suga pulled his pants back up. “Suga, are you…” He was going to ask if he was okay, but if he was okay, he wouldn’t be crying. He thought of better words. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Did I do something wrong?”

Suga smiled sheepishly and wiped his face on the shoulder of his t-shirt. “No,” he said, his voice dry. He chuckled softly, then swallowed. “No, you did everything right.”

Daichi reached out and gently wiped the rest of the tears away with his thumb. Suga nuzzled into his hand.

“It just happens sometimes,” he said, looking down and not meeting Daichi’s concerned gaze. He chuckled again.

“I trust that you’d tell me if something wasn’t okay,” Daichi said.

Suga nodded and took a step closer, looking up at Daichi through his lashes, a small smile on his lips.

Daichi returned the smile. “You’re so beautiful,” he said.

Before Suga had time to say or do anything, the ringing of the bell at the front door announced someone’s entrance.

Daichi quickly took stock of Suga’s still-wet eyes and his red face and compared it with what he imagined he looked like at the moment. He was probably also red, his breath probably smelled like jizz, and there was the small problem in his pants.

Suga leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “They’re all yours,” he said. “I probably look like shit.” His eyes wandered down to Daichi’s crotch and he smiled innocently. “I mean, to be fair, you did just make me cry.”


	2. Chapter 2

Daichi was almost surprised when Suga approached him again not even a week later. He had enjoyed the time he spent in the backroom with the gray-haired clerk, but was okay just letting it be a one-time thing. He continued to admire Suga while he wasn’t looking and their work relationship remained intact. 

The store was empty and Asahi had just gone home after their hour of overlap. Daichi was pricing books at the front counter and Suga joined him. He stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and planted a soft kiss on his neck.

Daichi turned bright red and dropped his pencil. It clattered to the counter and rolled, then fell to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Suga said, his breath gentle on Daichi’s neck. “For the other day, I mean. I…I felt like I freaked you out a little.”

Daichi turned without breaking Suga’s grasp on him and examined the other man’s face. “What do you mean?” he asked. His eyes glanced at the large window at the front of the store, but then quickly returned to Suga.

He had a small smile on his lips and his cheeks were pink under his shining eyes. His gaze was steady. “I mean for crying,” he said. “It’s probably not normal.” He chuckled.

Daichi shook his head, his face serious. “It’s alright,” he said. “I was just a little…surprised.”

“Also,” Suga said, pausing. He moved his hands from Daichi’s waist and brushed one against his cheek. “I think I owe you.” He held Daichi’s face as he leaned in and pressed their lips together. 

Stars erupted inside Daichi’s chest as he pulled Suga in closer. He didn’t care if anything was owed, he also didn’t care that anyone walking by the bookstore could look in and see them. When they broke apart, Suga took Daichi’s hand and led him into the backroom.

They weren’t even back there for five minutes before Suga had Daichi’s pants on the ground and his mouth around his cock.

\--

Things went on like this for weeks, and Daichi was happy. While he had had his fair share of meaningless sex before, it was different having it with a coworker, and that just made it more exciting. He liked that he and Suga could suck each other off then get back to work and not be weird about it. Suga didn’t seem any different after a backroom session, and Daichi admired that—he also hoped that Suga could say the same for him. Granted, Daichi felt happier and more alive, but he liked to think that his upward mood shift wouldn’t be something people saw as _this guy just got the best blow job of his life._

Despite his admiration for Suga’s poker face, Daichi began to wonder if there was someone else, or even multiple someones. Suga was a very attractive man, and Daichi knew he wasn’t the only one who thought so. People would leave the store blushing after interacting with him. 

But Daichi had no room to be jealous or possessive. They hadn’t claimed to be exclusive. They hadn’t really talked about anything, they just sort of _did_. Daichi liked it that way. He liked doing. He liked Suga’s hands on his skin, and the movement of his hips, and the softness of his features, and the calm of his voice. He wanted more of him. He wanted all of him.

Daichi was scheduled for the opening shift, and Asahi wouldn’t be in for another hour. He decided to see if Suga was awake.

He opened their text conversation to find…not a lot, honestly. It was mostly texts about work, “I left some books behind the counter, can you take care of them?” “Running late, be there soon.” “Tell Ukai I can’t make it today.” He tapped out a new message and hit send.

> Hey Suga, you up?

He wasn’t really expecting a response. After all, it was nine in the morning and Suga was more of a night person. There was actual work to be done, anyway, so Daichi dropped his phone in his pocket and went to work.

It was less than five minutes later that he felt the familiar _buzz buzz_ in his pocket.

>> What’s up?

Daichi smiled and sent out a quick reply.

> Asahi doesn’t come in til 10

He added a suggestive emoji that he hoped Suga would understand.

>> Okay.

“Okay?” Daichi said to himself, looking at the screen of his phone, eyebrows knit together. 

>> Be there in five.

Daichi got more done in those five minutes than he usually did in the entire hour. When the bell on the door tinkled to announce Suga’s arrival, Daichi was just finishing up some shelving.

“Good morning,” Suga said, smiling. Despite the faint circles under his eyes and his uncombed hair, Daichi still found him beautiful. He was obviously still in bed when Daichi texted him, and it seemed like he just threw on whatever he could find. The t-shirt he wore was wrinkled and the bottom of his pant leg was stuck awkwardly in his shoe. He carried a brown messenger bag with him that he dropped next to the counter.

Daichi tried not to laugh. “You’re not a morning person, are you?” he asked.

Suga’s smile widened and he wasted no more time with chitchatting. He pushed Daichi up against the shelf and kissed him. The passion behind the kiss made Daichi not even mind the hint of morning breath.

His hands found the hem of Suga’s wrinkled shirt and he tugged at it, breaking their kiss in order to pull it over his head. He dropped it on the floor in the middle of the aisle and ran his fingers down Suga’s chest. His skin was warm, but Daichi’s touch gave him goosebumps. 

After accepting the gentle kisses along his jawline and neck, Suga pulled off Daichi’s shirt as well, and added it to the pile. He kissed Daichi’s collarbone as Daichi’s hands familiarized themselves with every inch of Suga’s exposed back.

When Suga leaned back, Daichi looked down at him. His brown eyes were soft and still a little bleary from sleep, hiding below the jumbled mess of his bangs. With slow movements, Daichi straightened the strands of hair and brushed them aside, his fingers sliding gently down the side of Suga’s face. Daichi was certain he had never laid eyes on a more beautiful person in his entire life.

There was still a question in the back of Daichi’s mind, something that he couldn’t shake regardless of how into the moment he was. “Hey, Suga?” he began.

“Hmm?” His reply was little more than a hum paired with a slow, curious blink.

Daichi licked his lips as he considered the words he wanted to use. “Do you…do this sort of thing often?” he finally asked.

“Make out with coworkers? It’s my favorite pastime,” Suga replied with a smile.

Daichi laughed dryly. “I mean, with anyone. Making out, blow jobs, other things…” He tried to keep his tone light-hearted, but there was still concern in it.

Suga leaned back a little further, his arms still around Daichi’s neck. His eyes looked off to the side as he thought. “No,” he said after a moment.

Daichi tried to stop the sigh of relief that passed his lips but failed.

“To be fair,” Suga continued, “I used to. I used to sleep around a lot.”

“If we’re being honest, so did I,” Daichi said.

Suga didn’t seem surprised. “Handsome man like you probably had anyone he wanted,” Suga said. “Let me guess, men and women?”

Daichi leaned forward and kissed Suga’s cheek. “Yeah,” he said, his voice soft in Suga’s ear. “No one as beautiful as you, though.”

With one arm still around Daichi’s neck, Suga traced a pattern on his chest, his eyes following it. “It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted someone like I want you,” he said. “I, um…” He laughed nervously, and Daichi just watched him, the palms of his hands resting in the curve of Suga’s hips. 

“Suga,” Daichi said after a minute of silent hesitation. He moved a hand up to cup Suga’s face, his thumb gently caressing his cheekbone and gliding over the beauty mark there. “I don’t know what we are, but I want you to know you can tell me anything.”

Suga smiled and leaned slightly into his hand, humming faintly, thinking. “There’s so much I want to tell you, Daichi,” he finally said. He looked up at Daichi and there was some kind of sadness in his eyes that Daichi wanted to pull out and never have to see again. His next words were slow and quiet. “But for now, I just want this.” He pressed his lips against Daichi’s, the arm around his neck pulling him closer while the other hand rested against his bare chest. 

Daichi pulled Suga’s waist closer to him, accepting the end of the conversation.

After twenty more minutes of make outs, Suga announced that he should head out before Asahi made it in. Daichi picked his shirt up off the floor and handed Suga’s to him as well. The collar of his polo barely covered the mark Suga had left on his collar bone. 

Once his own shirt was on, too, Suga leaned over and kissed Daichi on the cheek. “You’re welcome,” he said as Daichi rubbed at the mark. “I could’ve gone a little higher.” He smirked.

“You’re lucky you’re pretty,” Daichi said, his voice barely more than a growl. He kissed Suga again as they walked toward the door. “Go home and get some more sleep.”

Suga nodded and fought off a yawn. “Yeah, I’ll be back in this afternoon.”

He left with a smile and Daichi was alone with ten minutes until Asahi’s shift started and a raging boner that he desperately needed to take care of. After a moment of watching Suga walk away, he went to grab the box of tissues from behind the counter, but nearly tripped over the bag that was sitting there. He thought momentarily to text Suga to have him come back for it, but then decided against it; if Suga came back, he wouldn’t be able to find the release he needed before Asahi came in… He decided to just leave it until Suga’s shift later that day.

Curious, though, he picked the bag up and put it on the counter. Why did Suga need a bag, anyway? Daichi had very distinctly felt his keys and his phone and his wallet in his pants pockets, so it wasn’t like he carried any of those important things in the bag… He flipped the flap open, got a quick look at what was inside, and then immediately closed it.

“Oh my god,” he breathed, hand covering his mouth. His brow furrowed and he glanced sidelong down at the bag. Suga had apparently come prepared with condoms and lube. And Daichi’s talking had ruined it.

He moved the bag to the floor, grabbed the box of tissues, and went into the backroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi invites Suga over to his place for the first time and things get good, despite the fact that they don't quite go how Daichi imagined...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter alone took me two weeks to write holy shit. Thanks to tumblr user sugasdaichi for putting up with me rambling about this and asking her opinion on everything haha. Hannah you're a star owo)b

Suga’s apartment might have been closer, but it would not have been polite for Daichi to invite himself over. He was ready to take the next step with Suga, to get down and really dirty, but he didn’t want to do it at work. His bedroom desires were pretty average; he liked beds. Outside of oral, he had only ever actually had sex in beds before, and he wasn’t ready to change that. Even in his fantasies, there was a bed.

Ever since he had found Suga’s bag with the condoms and lube, Daichi had been thinking about this moment. That was a few weeks ago, and Suga had said nothing. Like the innocent soul he was, he probably assumed Daichi was a decent human being who hadn’t curiously gone through the bag he had left behind. Part of Daichi was disappointed in himself that he had snooped, but more-so he was glad to have some idea as to what Suga was thinking.

Daichi had just gotten off work, and Suga had the night off, so Daichi decided it was as good a time as any to invite him over. Not to mention, it was pretty likely that none of his roommates would be home. After graduating, Daichi had found housing where he could, even if it meant taking a tiny room in a house full of college students. He kept mostly to himself, and the guys he lived with respected his space, so it worked out well enough for him. It wasn’t like he could afford anything on his own, anyway.

He waited anxiously at the bus stop, checking his phone every few seconds. Suga agreed to meet him there so they could head to his place together. 

While he stood there, he shot Asahi a text. He had asked Daichi why he was so eager to leave work that day, but the only response he could give him was a goofy grin. His best friend deserved an explanation.

> Suga’s coming over to my place this afternoon.

He wasn’t really expecting a response.

When he looked up, he saw Suga approaching. He wore a burgundy coat and a light scarf around his neck, his messenger bag slung across his chest. There seemed to be an extra bit of half-bounce in his step that was accentuated by a slight limp. His brisk pace must have been what was causing that.

Daichi smiled and gave him a wave as he came closer. “Hey,” he said once he was finally standing next to him.

“How was work?” Suga asked, his cheeks pink from the chilly air.

Daichi shrugged. “Same as always.” His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he chose to ignore it. He looked down the street to see if their bus was coming, then watched Suga in his periphery.

The gray-haired young man stood there casually, holding onto the strap of his bag, acting as if he were completely unaware of the things Daichi intended to do to him over the course of the evening. He hummed softly to himself, then smiled when he caught Daichi glancing his way.

The smile made Daichi’s chest flutter and he looked away.

“It’s not like you to be so bashful,” Suga said, leaning in to speak softly in Daichi’s ear.

There were other people at the bus stop, and Daichi tried to keep the blood out of his face. He coughed into his elbow and Suga leaned back. He didn’t want to be embarrassed. He really liked Suga, and he _loved_ doing things with Suga, but he still felt weird about it. There was a word for it that he didn’t want to think of, not even within the safety of his own mind.

When he looked up, Suga was frowning. “Is everything okay?” he asked. Daichi noticed how his grip on the bag strap had tightened.

The bus pulled up and Daichi said, “It’s fine.” He wanted to talk to Suga about it, but not there, not then, and they boarded the bus together. He had a lot he wanted to tell Suga, in fact. But at the moment, he was far more concerned with what he wanted to do to him. His imagination kept him distracted as the bus lurched forward and they rode on in silence.

It was a short ride, followed by a short walk to the house Daichi lived in. He was hesitant to call it _his_ house, since he shared it with a bunch of other guys, and it honestly didn’t feel much like home to him. But it was cheap and not too far from work, so he was okay with it for the time being.

Daichi kept the pace slow. The whole walk, Suga kept humming and Daichi was beginning to suspect that he didn’t even realize he was doing it. If anyone else did it, it would be annoying, but Suga’s absentminded humming was cute. Daichi was tempted to hum along, even though he didn’t know the song.

They walked up the front steps and Daichi unlocked to door. The house was quiet, but Daichi gave a tentative, “Hello?” just to make sure no one was home. No response.

He slipped his shoes off at the front door and added them to a pre-existing pile, not at all minding that Suga left his on.

“My room’s downstairs,” Daichi said. 

“Don’t I get a tour?” Suga teased.

“Oh.” Daichi hadn’t thought about that. He’d been too busy thinking about…other things. “I mean, if you want one.” 

“How about you just point out the important things on the way downstairs,” Suga suggested.

Daichi looked around the room and spread his arms. “This is the living room. There’s a TV and a Wii and someone’s usually watching Netflix.” He pointed out a closed door in the front corner. “That’s a bedroom.” He walked through the living room and past a large dining room table that was shoved into a corner, but didn’t say anything about it. There were two more doors by the stairs that he pointed out as bedrooms, the kitchen, and a bathroom. “There are more rooms upstairs,” he said. “More bedrooms and another bathroom. Nothing exciting.” He headed down the stairs into the basement and Suga followed.

The basement had the laundry, two more bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small seating area that seemed rather empty. Daichi didn’t even mention it. “This one’s mine,” he said, opening the door.

The room was tiny. His futon took up most of it, and the bottom drawers of the dresser could only be opened if the futon was folded up.

“It’s not much, but it’s not like I spend much time here anyway.”

Suga smiled as he unslung his bag and dropped it on the floor. “It’s perfect,” he said, closing the door behind him. Daichi watched as his slender fingers undid the buttons of his coat and he slid gracefully out of it before dropping it next to the bag. He unwound the scarf from his neck and deposited it on the floor as well.

Daichi was nervous and his face was already red. He knew what was going to happen, and he wanted it more than anything. He grabbed Suga’s hand and pulled him toward him. “Thanks for agreeing to come over,” he said. “The backroom at the bookstore was getting a little… cramped.”

Suga pressed his lips against Daichi’s jawline and hummed. “Though it’s probably got more square footage than here, if we’re talking technically.”

Daichi chuckled and ran a hand through Suga’s soft hair. “At least it doesn’t smell like books.”

“Hey, I like the smell of books,” Suga said in mock protest. He pulled away slightly only to have Daichi’s pull him back in. “Mmm, it smells like you, though, and I think I like that better.”

Daichi kissed the corner of Suga’s mouth, his thumb grazing the hairline behind his ear.

A soft hum came from deep in Suga’s chest as we wrapped his arms around Daichi’s neck and pulled him in until their foreheads touched. He smiled and his eyelids fluttered.

Daichi pressed gently at the back of Suga’s head until their lips met and he was swallowed by that soft warmth. He opened his mouth and invited Suga in, their tongues wet and warm against each other. His pants felt tight as Suga leaned into him.

Suga’s hands slid down the front of his shirt, grazing over his nipples ever so gently. They wormed their way around the hem and under to his flushed skin.

Daichi had always been one to work out regularly, but he had really upped his game over the past few months. He wouldn’t admit that it was for Suga’s benefit, but it totally was.

The humming noise returned and it filled Daichi’s mouth as Suga’s fingers traced the lines of his abs, taking extra care to drop momentarily to the light brushing of hair coming up from the waistline of his exposed boxer briefs. 

Daichi grabbed the other man’s hips and pulled him closer, biting his lip gently before pulling away. Suga’s eyes were so soft and so full of light; Daichi was afraid that he might get lost in them. There was a mischievous glint in them that really destroyed him, especially when matched with the upturned corners of his mouth, lips parted just enough to catch a glimpse of his teeth. 

He looked up at Daichi, and Daichi’s chest erupted into a million stars. He was easily the luckiest man alive to have those shining eyes looking at him like that. “Do you want to sit down?” Suga asked.

Daichi glanced at the futon, which was unmade, but at least it didn’t have clothes all over it like it usually did. Before he could actually answer, Suga sat down and patted the cushion with a smile. Daichi joined him, kneeling next to him and leaning in. He pressed his lips against Suga’s neck, his fingers finding the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. His lips grazed against his skin and placed soft kisses along his collarbone while his fingers traced patterns on his sides.

Suga pulled off Daichi’s shirt as well, and in the moment where they were parted, he pushed against Daichi’s chest until he was laying down. Daichi looked up as Suga readjusted himself into a laying position next to him. Daichi liked the warmth of his body. Suga nuzzled into his neck and brushed a hand over his hardened nipple. His lips were warm against his collarbone, where he left a trail of kisses before sucking on the flushed skin of Daichi’s shoulder.

Everything from there moved quickly, and before he knew it, Daichi was wondering how _he_ was the one laying there completely naked. He watched as Suga crossed the small room and nudged aside his coat in order to get into the bag underneath. Daichi was breathing heavily, a hand laying on his stomach and the other behind his head. He admired Suga’s back, his eyes tracing the curve of his spine and the subtle dimples above his waistband. Here and there, a mole graced the surface of his skin, and every inch was perfect. And for some reason, he was still wearing his shoes.

Suga returned to him and placed a condom on the box that acted as his bedside table, lube in one hand. He leaned over and kissed Daichi’s forehead before settling down and tending to his collarbone once more. A hand found its way between his legs but passed over his already impressive erection. 

Daichi seemed somewhat surprised when he hitched up his hips at Suga’s touch, allowing him better access to his ass. He had entered into this encounter under the assumption that he would be doing the fucking, but when Suga opened the bottle and applied a drop of lube to his fingers, Daichi realized he was very wrong. “H-hey,” he said, his voice giving away how uncertain he was feeling.

Suga looked up into his burning face, his own face an astounding mix of innocence and sin. “You okay?” he asked. He sounded like he was talking to a toddler who had just fallen and scraped their knee.

Daichi was too taken with the man to be offended by this but he blushed none-the-less. “Yeah, I just… I haven’t had… You know…”

Suga smiled and leaned over, kissing his jaw softly. “Is it okay?” he asked. “I mean, we could switch if you wanted…”

Daichi looked down at him. He was nervous, sure, but he could tell that this was what Suga wanted; he looked almost disappointed at the idea of switching. It was past time that Daichi tried something new, anyway. It was only fair to give it a chance. He smiled at Suga and kissed his forehead. “We can try it,” he said. “But I’m not making any promises to see it through to the end.”

Suga smiled up at him. “I’ll be gentle,” he said. “Just tell me if anything’s not okay, okay?”

Daichi nodded, his jaw firm, and braced himself.

“You’ll have to relax, though,” Suga said. “And don’t take yourself so seriously.” He kissed Daichi’s jawline again.

Daichi put a hand on Suga’s cheek and pulled him up for another kiss. If anything could relax him, it was those soft lips against his.

Suga took this opportunity to reach down and slide a hand between Daichi’s legs again, pressing a lubed fingertip against his opening. Daichi trembled at the touch, but focused on what his tongue was doing and relaxed. Suga entered slowly, and Daichi couldn’t distract himself anymore. He pulled away from Suga’s lips as a soft moan escaped his own.

Suga’s movements were slow and Daichi was surprised that it wasn’t as uncomfortable as he had been expecting. It was a strange sensation, but as Suga moved his finger in and out slowly, he relaxed more. His lips were parted and he counted his breaths. Suga watched him, his features soft and loving. Daichi gazed into his eyes through heavy lids. 

“How do you feel?” Suga asked.

Daichi nodded and swallowed, his throat dry. “Okay,” he said.

Suga smiled and crooked a finger inside of him.

Daichi’s entire body twitched as Suga pressed against his prostate. “Holy _shit,_ ” he gasped. 

“Do you like that?” Suga asked, his smile turning into a wicked grin. He leaned up to Daichi’s ear and whispered, “Just wait until it’s my dick in there.”

Daichi covered his face with his hands. “Damn it, Suga…” he moaned.

Suga slipped a second finger inside, causing him to gasp. He pumped them in and out slowly, rubbing against Daichi’s prostate.

Daichi moaned as his own dick twitched with the excess blood pumping to it. It was hardening faster than he expected and Suga seemed amused. Suga kissed his neck, fingers spreading inside of him. “Ahh…” Daichi sighed, a hand reaching down to touch himself.

Suga smirked and smacked his hand away. “Don’t you dare,” he said. The giggle that followed was almost innocent. 

Daichi grabbed Suga’s face with both hands and pulled him up for another kiss. While Suga continued to stretch him out, Daichi moaned into his mouth. He was beginning to pant slightly, which seemed to please Suga. He pulled his fingers out and moved to undo his pants.

“Suga…” Daichi’s breathing was heavy and his voice was quiet.

“Don’t even think about touching yourself,” Suga warned as he extracted his own erection from his boxer briefs. He didn’t bother to take his pants all the way off. The condom was still on the bedside table and Suga grabbed it and opened it up, then rolled it onto his cock. He leaned over Daichi and kissed him again. When he pulled away, he told Daichi, “Roll over.”

Daichi’s movements were slow and shaky, but he obeyed. Nothing was going as he expected, but he wasn’t going to complain. An hour ago, he might have flinched at the idea of Suga fucking him in the ass, but now he was welcoming it. Hell, he was _craving_ it. In that very moment, he wanted nothing more. He positioned himself so that his knees were near the edge of the futon, his ass in the air. Suga stood behind him and placed a comforting hand on his trembling back.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

Daichi nodded, his nerves mixing with his eagerness was making it hard to speak. He felt the cool, lubed tip of Suga’s dick against his ass and fought the urge to clench closed.

As he slowly pushed himself in, Suga leaned over and kissed Daichi’s shoulder blade. Daichi let out a gasp as Suga sank all the way into him, slowly.

“Su…ga…”

“Okay?” Suga didn’t move while he waited for a response.

His teeth were clenched, his whole body was tense in an attempt to keep himself relaxed. “Fuck,” was all he could say. 

It could have meant a lot of different things. “Daichi? You have to give me more than that.”

“Fuck…me…”

Suga pressed his lips against Daichi’s shoulder blade again and he could feel the smile there. When he pulled out, Daichi moaned.

“Yes,” he said, his voice muffled in the blankets. 

Suga’s hips moved fluidly against Daichi. Daichi’s entire body was on fire and trembling; he let out a groan every time Suga’s cock grazed his prostate, and he could feel himself getting harder. He gasped when Suga reached around and took his length in his hand. It was already wet with precum that helped make Suga’s strokes smooth.

He seemed to have gotten into a strong rhythm, pounding into Daichi as evenly as a metronome. Daichi couldn’t muffle his moans any longer as his face emerged from the blankets for air. His skin was flushed and damp with sweat, sheets clenched in his fists. Suga’s other hand held his hip and it was surprisingly cool. 

Daichi grunted but was unable to give Suga any other warning before spilling himself onto the futon. Suga’s thumb rubbed the side of his sensitive member, his hips still moving in perfect time, and Daichi’s body trembled. Suga was like a machine, and there was no stopping him or slowing him down. Daichi let go of the blankets as his hands tingled and his extremities weakened. But Suga kept going.

Despite the orgasm, Daichi wanted more. He never wanted Suga’s dick to leave him and every time it pressed against him he felt the desire welling up again. He had never orgasmed more than once and he honestly wasn’t sure if his body could handle it. But he wanted it. He never wanted this to end.

Suga’s motions stopped when he pushed himself in and his body shook. He let out a soft moan. The twitch of Suga against him was different from the regularity he had previously provided. He pulled out slowly and collapsed on the futon next to Daichi.

Daichi rolled over, wincing at the stiffness of his body. He still wanted more, but Suga looked exhausted. His face was red and glistening with sweat, but he was smiling.

“How was it?” Suga asked.

Daichi’s throat was dry and he couldn’t find words to express what he was feeling. He scooted over and put a hand on Suga’s cheek, pulling him in for a kiss. He felt the other man smiling as their lips pressed together. When Daichi pulled away, there were tears in Suga’s eyes. “S-Suga?” Suga’s tears weren’t uncommon, but they never failed to catch him off guard.

He laughed as Daichi’s thumb wiped away the tears that began to slip from his eyes. “Sorry,” he said, smiling still. “I just… Thank you.”

Daichi’s brow furrowed. “Suga, are you okay?”

He wrapped an arm around Daichi and pulled him in close. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I’m great.” He kissed Daichi’s temple and the smile was still there.

Daichi sat up and pulled Suga with him, wrapping him in a full embrace. Suga nuzzled into the crook of his neck and Daichi could feel him trembling. “Suga…” His voice was soft, the breath of it ruffling Suga’s hair slightly.

“I’m okay,” he said, muffled. He kissed the skin of Daichi’s collarbone. “Thank you,” he said again.

“For what?”

“Letting me fuck you.” Daichi could hear a slight smirk in his voice. “Ever since you started at the bookstore, that was all I wanted.” He chuckled. “I never thought I’d get to. I mean, I would’ve been okay with you doing the fucking. And you still can,” he assured. “I mean, I’d really like that. If you want to. I mean, not right now, of course. But, yeah… Thanks.”

Daichi laughed and kissed his ear. “It was…very new for me,” he admitted. “But… I’m glad it was you doing it.” He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to walk any time soon, though.

Suga sat back and wiped his face on the back of his hand. He smiled and his eyes glistened.

“Thank you,” Daichi said. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Suga’s, one hand on the back of his neck. “It was amazing.”

Suga beamed. “Yeah,” he said. “You felt really great.”

Daichi’s thumb brushed the hairline on Suga’s neck. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Daichi.”

“Why am I the only fully naked one?” He smiled, the question lighthearted.

“Oh,” Suga glanced down, a frown overtaking his entire face. It was like dousing a fire. “About that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that what you expected? It surely wasn't what Daichi expected! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I left y'all with that awful cliffhanger for, like, two months. Like this fic has been haunting me tbh, and I'm so glad that I can finally update it and give you this BIG REVEAL that I've been sitting on since before I even started this fic. I really hope the wait has been worth it, and while there's only a tiny little sex scene in this chapter, there's a bit of actual plot, so that's kinda cool, right? Y'all know this is porn with plot, don't you? Gotta have plot in there somewhere.

Daichi saw that look in his eyes, that look that he hated, and he suddenly hated himself for putting it there. 

“There’s so much I want to tell you about, Daichi,” he said. “A lot of it… I’m just not ready to talk about, though.”

Daichi nodded and lifted Suga’s chin so that he was looking at him. “Suga, you don’t have to tell me anything. But I’m here to listen when you’re ready.”

“I… I want to show you something. It’s, uhm… I mean, it’s not really something I’m ashamed of or anything. I honestly don’t know why I hide it, but… I guess…” His eyes darted away from Daichi’s and he stood up. “I guess I just got too tired of getting peoples’ pity. I don’t want that.” He looked down at Daichi, who was still sitting on the futon. His face was oddly stern, that pained look still hiding in the depths of his eyes.

“Suga, I…”

Suga hushed him by leaning over and kissing him softly on the lips. He stood up fully and grabbed the waist of his pants. They hadn’t been done up, and his cock still hung out of his underwear. He peeled off the condom and dropped it the waste bin by the door. Daichi watched, curious, as Suga tucked himself back in and pulled his pants down. Daichi hadn’t even seen his thighs before. They were lean and well-toned. Suga paused when the pants were at his knees and he sighed, looking up at Daichi. 

Daichi’s mouth parted slightly, but he didn’t have anything to say. He remained quiet, putting a supportive smile on his face. He nodded encouragingly.

Suga looked down and let his pants drop to his ankles.

What Daichi saw was one of the many things he had imagined. It was different seeing it as opposed to imagining it, but he wasn’t shocked. Suga’s right leg, from below the knee down, was a slender metal pole that disappeared into the crumpled pant leg. Daichi looked at it for only a moment before looking up at Suga’s face, his eyes lingering only momentarily on his bare chest.

Suga stood there with his pants down and his hands grasped behind his back. His head was turned away, but he watched Daichi from the corner of his eye. With pink cheeks, he asked, “So?”

Daichi stood up and positioned himself right in front of Suga. “So what?” he replied.

Suga turned and looked at him, eyes darting back and forth as he searched Daichi’s own eyes.

Daichi smiled and wrapped his arms around Suga’s waist, pulling him close. The warmth of their chests together was comforting. He ran his fingers through Suga’s hair, and kissed his temple. “Why should I care?” he asked. “Did you think it would change things?”

He could feel Suga trembling as his arms wrapped around him. “It has before,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” Daichi whispered. “I’m sorry that people couldn’t see you for the amazing man you are. If anything, it just makes me respect you more.”

Suga pulled back slightly and looked up at him.

Daichi laid a hand on Suga’s cheek, thumb brushing over the skin and skimming his lips. He smiled. “You’re more beautiful than any other human being I’ve laid eyes on. And you’re so strong. I…honestly hadn’t even noticed you limping until today. It must take a lot of hard work.”

“And years of physical therapy,” Suga added with a slight grin.

Daichi was glad to catch a glimpse of Suga’s teeth again. He pulled him in for a kiss, his strong hand holding him in place. “You’re so amazing,” he said when they pulled away.

Suga blushed. “You don’t even know what happened,” he said, a slightly teasing tone to his voice.

Daichi raised an eyebrow. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he said. So many questions were piling up in his brain but he shoved them aside. 

“But you must be curious.” Suga’s eyes looked over every inch of Daichi’s face, a worried wrinkle forming at the corner.

“Of course I am,” Daichi said with a smile. “But I’m not going to pry.”

Suga threw his arms around Daichi’s neck and hugged him tight. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked. “You’re too wonderful, too understanding.”

Daichi gently rubbed the soft skin of Suga’s back, his chin resting on Suga’s shoulder. Suga was the amazing one, not him. No one had ever really gotten him the way Suga had, and Suga made it seem so easy, like they’d known each other their entire lives. Sometimes Daichi felt like Suga was inside his head, reading his thoughts. Because of that, he tried to push the questions back, just in case Suga could hear them. He didn’t want him to hear them, not yet, not until he was ready to answer them.

He kissed Suga’s collarbone, then looked at him. “Thank you for showing me,” he said. “I can only imagine how hard that is.”

Suga looked at him for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, it’s not easy… It’s so stupid, though. Like it’s not even that big of a deal.”

Daichi smiled and kissed his cheek. “Not everyone is as nice as me, though,” he said. “They’ll ask questions, and that can be scary.”

Suga hummed softly as he considered it. “I guess so,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it like that.”

After another minute of silence, Daichi’s legs began to feel weak. “Hey, uh, can we sit down?” he asked.

“I can sit down, can you sit down?” Suga grinned at him as his arms fell to his sides. He kicked his pants fully off and took a seat on the futon, avoiding Daichi’s mess. Slowly, gingerly, Daichi joined him. “I was actually thinking, maybe… Would you want to shower? I mean, it can wait a bit, of course. Rest your shaky legs some.”

“Yeah, a shower sounds great,” he said. “I feel pretty gross.” After a pause, he added, “In the best way, of course.”

Suga chewed on his bottom lip and looked at Daichi, running a finger down his glistening chest. “Even when you’re gross, you’re hot, though,” he said.

A blush crept over Daichi’s face and he playfully slapped Suga’s hand away. “Stop that,” he said with a grin, taking Suga’s hand in his. 

“I really did think you were straight for a while,” Suga said absentmindedly as him thumb brushed over Daichi’s knuckle.

“I thought I was, too,” Daichi admitted with an embarrassed smile. “I mean, even when I started sleeping with guys, I was in denial about it…”

He could have sworn there was a bit of pity in Suga’s eyes, in the way they squinted ever so slightly, his lips barely pursed. 

“I know it’s stupid,” he said.

“No,” Suga said, surprising Daichi. “No, it’s hard. It’s really hard. Um…” He bit his lip and looked away for a moment, then looked back with a grin. “Society sucks,” he said. “It fucks with everyone.”

The bluntness of the statement made Daichi smile. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess so.”

Suga stood up and offered Daichi his hand. “How about that shower?”

Daichi took the proffered hand with a small grin and let himself be pulled to his feet. He waddled over to the door, Suga snickering slightly behind him, and peeked outside, just to make sure the coast was clear. He looked back at Suga. “I’m just going to use the toilet really quick,” he said. Suga nodded, and Daichi moved to the bathroom.

After relieving himself, Daichi wiped his tender ass to find that there was a little bit of blood. He wasn’t surprised, but he groaned to himself nonetheless. He opened the door and invited Suga in, turning his back to start the shower. Suga sat down on the closed toilet and removed his prosthetic. When Daichi turned back around, his eyes lingered on the stub for a moment before he met Suga’s eyes.

Suga grinned. “It’s okay to stare,” he said, standing up and dropping his underwear to the floor. “I’ll allow it, since it’s you.”

Daichi was amazed that Suga could be so relaxed and joking about it, but he supposed that that was one of his charms. “Can I ask, uh… How long has it been?”

Suga grabbed the edge of the shower and tested the water. “Six years,” he said.

“Wow.”

The threshold into the shower was low and Suga hopped in, Daichi stepping in behind him.

“Are you okay to, um, stand?” Daichi asked, hesitant. The last thing he wanted to do was offend Suga, and he wasn’t really sure where that line was.

“I’ll be okay for a bit,” he said, letting the water trail down his chest. “I’ve gotten pretty good at flamingoing.”

“’Flamingoing’?” Daichi raised an eyebrow. “Is that a technical term?”

Suga turned and put his arms around Daichi’s neck, pressing their wet chests together. “Mhmm, very technical.”

Daichi’s arms wrapped around Suga’s waist, lifting slightly. “Flamingo Boy,” he said.

Suga buried his face in Daichi’s neck in an attempt to stop himself from laughing. “Don’t you dare call me that,” he said, though his voice was amused.

Daichi kissed the side of his wet head. “Flamingo Man.”

“Haha, stop!” Suga said, pulling away from Daichi slightly and punching him playfully in the stomach.

Daichi grinned and pulled him in for a kiss. “Okay, okay, I’m done,” he said between kisses.

Suga held him close, sliding his tongue over Daichi’s lips until he opened them, welcoming. He hummed into him, their bodies flush together.

They stayed in the shower until the water went cold and finally shut it off. It was a miracle that they managed to actually clean themselves between the make-outs. Daichi opened the shower door and reached for his towel.

“Oh,” he said. “Uhm, I should have grabbed my extra towel for you. Sorry. Let me grab it really quick.”

He gave Suga a hand as he hopped out of the shower stall again and sat down on the toilet. “I’ll be here,” Suga said.

With the towel wrapped around his waist, he left the bathroom and disappeared into his bedroom. He returned a few minutes later and tossed the clean towel to Suga. They toweled themselves off in silence, Daichi watching Suga out of the corner of his eye, his face slightly red, and a new boner forming under his towel.

Suga noticed the protrusion and grinned. “Good to know I still turn you on,” he said as he reattached his prosthetic.

Daichi scratched his jaw and glanced away, his face starting to burn. “Of course you do,” he said. 

Suga stood up and wrapped his towel around his waist, tucking in the corner, and followed Daichi back to his bedroom. “Do you want me to take care of that for you?” Suga asked, eyeing Daichi’s groin.

Daichi let his actions speak for him and pulled Suga to him, letting go of his towel and allowing it to fall to the floor. He pulled at Suga’s, too, until it dropped, and leaned his forehead against Suga’s. For a moment, he just stared into his eyes, enjoying the warmth of them and the shy smile on his lips and the dusting of pink on his cheeks. He ran a hand through Suga’s damp hair, ruffling it slightly before pulling Suga’s lips to meet his.

Suga’s hands rested on Daichi’s chest, then slipped down, feeling every bump of muscle on the way, one hand stopped to rest on his hip while the other brushed gently against the base of him. Daichi shuddered and pressed himself into Suga, practically begging for a stronger touch, and Suga understood. He wrapped his fingers around his length, the thumb of his other hand rubbing circles on his protruding hipbone. His pumps were slow and gentle, Daichi still sore from earlier. 

It wasn’t long before Daichi was moaning into Suga’s mouth, his breath becoming ragged. He pulled his lips away and clenched his jaw, eyes squeezed shut. “Shit,” he murmured a moment before the orgasm caused his body to twitch and he lurched against Suga as he came in three small bursts.

Suga grinned, bringing his hand up to lick off the cum he had managed to catch. Daichi watched through hazy eyes as Suga pulled his thumb from his mouth with a slight _pop_. When he lowered his hand, Daichi pressed their lips together again, needing that contact despite the taste on Suga’s tongue.

They parted, and Daichi took a step back. “Sorry for nullifying that shower,” he said bending down to pick up Suga’s towel. He handed it to him, and Suga wiped off his stomach where the rest of Daichi’s load ended up.

“I’d rather be dirty anyway,” Suga said with a smile.

Daichi chuckled. “Well, I guess we should probably get dressed. Unless, uh, you want something?”

Suga lowered himself onto the futon with a lazy grin. “Maybe just some cuddles?” he asked, scooting over near the wall and patting the cushion next to him. 

Daichi didn’t need to be asked twice, and joined Suga, letting him be the big spoon. Suga’s arm wrapped around his chest and held him close, his lips pressing against his shoulder. They both wiggled a bit as they got comfortable. As they moved their legs, Suga’s prosthetic bumped against his calf and the coolness of it started him, causing him to jump.

Suga pulled his leg back quickly. “Sorry,” he said.

Daichi looked over his shoulder at him, giving a reassuring smile. “It’s okay,” he said. “It just startled me a little.”

Suga pressed his forehead into Daichi’s back, right between his shoulder blades, his breath warm and steady against his skin. Daichi took Suga’s hand in his own, his thumb grazing along his knuckles. Suga’s hand was a bit smaller than his, slighter, his skin fairer and graced with the occasional freckle or mole, Daichi was never really sure of the difference. 

There was a lot about Suga that he didn’t know, and for some reason it made him sad. This man was little more than his coworker, hardly even a friend, more like a coworker-with-benefits. It was fun, but he had a lot of questions.

“Where are you from?” Daichi asked.

Suga pulled his forehead away from Daichi’s back, leaving the spot cold. “Hmm?”

“Like, originally. Where are you from?”

“LA,” Suga answered.

“Like… California?”

Suga laughed, shaking the futon slightly. “Yeah, California.”

“Huh,” Daichi said, thoughtful.

“Why?”

Daichi shrugged. “Just curious. We just…don’t talk about ourselves very much.”

“Hmm, yeah.” After a pause, Suga asked, “What about you?”

“Seattle born and raised,” he said. “I’ve never actually even left the state.”

“I don’t blame you,” Suga said. “Washington is beautiful.”

“Is that why you moved here?”

“It was one of the bonuses, I guess. I moved here for the doctors, actually.”

“I see.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, then Suga asked, “Have you ever thought about moving?”

“Not really,” Daichi said. “I mean, if I found a job somewhere else, I would take it. But it’s not like I’m really looking right now.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, I get that.” Suga’s lips were close to Daichi’s shoulder, his breath a faint tickle on his skin.

“I don’t even know what kind of job I want,” he said with a sigh. “So it’s not like I’ll be going anywhere anytime soon.”

“We’ve got a pretty good job, I guess,” Suga said. “I like it anyway.”

“How’d you end up with it, anyway?”

Daichi felt Suga’s smile as he pressed his lips to his shoulder. “I met Ukai at a bar, actually. We got to talking, and he offered me a job.”

Daichi choked on a laugh. “Really?” he asked, turning himself so that he could see Suga.

He nodded. “Really,” he said. “You can ask him if you don’t believe me.”

“Nah, I believe you,” Daichi said, turning over fully so that he was face Suga. “Now that I think about it, I’m not surprised.”

Suga smiled, a small laugh leaving his lips. “Yeah. It was just sort of lucky I guess. Though, uhm… I did sort of try hitting on him…”

Daichi hid his face in the pillow so as not to laugh right in Suga’s face. “Seriously?” he asked, looking up as his shoulder continued to shake with laughter.

“Yeah, and then he flashed his wedding ring, and it was really awkward, but he was really cool about it and thought it was kind of funny. I had no idea he was, like, ten years older than me until much later, too.”

“Hah, yeah. I always sort of forget how much older he is.”

Suga hummed and wiggled closer to Daichi, his hair, now mostly dry, tickling Daichi’s nose.

“You’re going to have some great bedhead,” Daichi mused.

Suga shrugged. “Whatever,” he said.

Daichi kissed the top of his head. “We should probably get dressed soon. Do you want to go grab some dinner?”

Suga hugged Daichi briefly then sat up. “Yeah, dinner would be nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! I should be back to updating this fairly regularly! I've got, like, about 4k in the word doc for this fic that I'll hopefully have ready to post fairly soon. Feel free to comment or kudo or hit me up on Tumblr (tiredasahi). I really appreciate it! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I haven't updated this since January and I am sooo sorry. And this is probably not the happiest chapter to get back into... And I'm also so sorry for that... This is a mostly smut-free chapter, too... Forgive me...

Daichi stared at his phone as another notification illuminated its screen. He thought he was done feeling like this.

>> Coach is PISSED that he has to cover for you again.

>> I mean I want you to get better soon because being sick sucks, but… I just need you back.

It had been the same basic sentiments all week, but the manager at the bookstore seemed to be getting more and more unbearable. Despite that, and despite being physically fine, he just couldn’t will himself to go into work or to deal with people. Not even Suga. That was the worst. Every text from Suga that he didn’t return caused a knot in his stomach. He had the power to relieve it, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. That frustrated him, too.

There were times in college when he would shut himself away for days at a time and do everything he could to keep himself occupied, even if it wasn’t productive. He had homework assignments that he could have been doing, or books he could have been reading; hell, there were even movies he wanted to watch but just couldn’t build up the emotional energy.

And Asahi would always let him do his thing. He’d bring him food sometimes, or politely ask if he wanted to come out, which Daichi would always turn down. He wanted to, but he didn’t want to. When he finally reemerged, something was still off. He would have so much to catch up on that he would usually make himself physically ill, but he’d push through it. He couldn’t afford to take sick days with how much work had piled up around him. And so it went.

Now, as an “adult” in the “real world”, Daichi thought it was gone. He was happy, he wasn’t stressed, he had an okay job and good friends. In a way, that made it worse. He didn’t have anything that he could blame it on. 

His phone vibrated on his chest with an in-coming call. He didn’t even pick it up to see who it was. It stopped buzzing and his skin tingled. Everything was silent for a minute or two and he closed his eyes. The phone vibrated again with voicemail notification, and while part of him was curious, a bigger part of him didn’t care. He rolled over on his futon and the phone slid to the floor, the soft _tmph_ of it landing on a pile of clothes—their cleanliness unknown—replayed hollowly, again and again, in his thoughts.

There was a knock on his door and he realized he must have dozed off, or at least completely zoned out. He didn’t move.

“Hey, Sawamura, you in there?”

Was he in there? He wasn’t really sure of the answer. He didn’t quite feel like he was there, anyway. What time was it?

He picked his phone up and saw that it was later than he thought; the voicemail he had ignored was from nearly two hours ago.

“I can hear you moving, man.” It was one of his roommates, but in his haze, he couldn’t quite recognize whose voice it was.

He mumbled some sort of response and stood up, wrapping his blanket around his shoulders and pushed himself to his feet. When he opened the door, Chikara Ennoshita was standing there, staring down at him curiously.

“You look horrible,” he said.

Daichi ran a hand through his hair and was greeted by a blizzard of dandruff. When was the last time he showered? He licked his lips and tried to remember if he had brushed his teeth that morning or maybe it was yesterday. “What’s up?”

Ennoshita looked like he was regretting his decision to knock on Daichi’s door. “Shouyou’s been worried about you,” he said. “Just thought you might want to get out or something. I was heading out back to smoke. I don’t know if it’s your thing or not, but you’re welcome to join if you want.”

He considered the proposal. Smoking wasn’t really his thing, but he wasn’t necessarily opposed to it. Part of him wanted to say yes, even though he felt like he’d need to shower first before being able to set foot outside of the house, even if it was just to the backyard. But before he could consider it further, he heard himself saying, “Nah, I’m good. Thanks, though. Maybe some other time.”

Ennoshita’s “okay” was lost to the closed door, and Daichi returned to his futon. He looked at his phone and the missed calls and ignored texts and the single voicemail message. Asahi rarely called, and when he did, he never left voicemails, so Daichi wasn’t at all surprised when he saw it was from Suga. He opened it with a sigh.

“Hey, it’s me,” Suga said in the message, then laughed, sweet like honey. “Obviously. Just wanted to see how you’re doing. Asahi’s already told you how pissy Ukai’s being, but Asahi’s just soft. It’s not that bad… Anyway, was just hoping to talk. It’s… Uh… I…miss you, Daichi. You don’t have to call if you’re not feeling up to it, but… Just let me know you’re still alive?” There was a pause, as if Suga was considering saying something else, but without even a “goodbye”, he hung up and the message was over.

Daichi listened to it again, his face hot just from the sound of Suga’s voice. He needed to call him back, but instead, he just listened to the message again, curled up on his side with his phone between his head and his pillow. He didn’t even remember playing the message a fourth time, or putting his hand down his gym shorts.

“Hey, it’s me,” Suga said for the fifth time.

Daichi’s fingers clenched around his erection, pumping slowly.

“Obviously.”

He thumbed the head and shuddered.

“Just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“Suga…” His eyes were closed as he listened to Suga’s voice, the softness of it, and the concern that he was trying to mask.

“I…miss you, Daichi.”

His feet and hands were numb, like all the warmth in his body was directed to his cock. A ghost hand was stroking him, and for a moment, he imagined it was Suga.

“Just let me know you’re still alive?”

Every muscle in his body tensed, then every nerve tingled back into existence, and as he soiled his boxers—not that they were particularly clean to begin with—and blood slowly returned to his body, he finally felt alive again.

He rolled off his futon and out of the blanket, his cum-covered hand still in his pants, and just stood there for a moment, wondering what the hell he’d been doing for the last three days. Leaving his phone on his pillow, he opened his door a crack and looked outside. Noting that the coast was clear, he grabbed his towel and went to the bathroom to shower.

\--

Daichi’s stomach growled as he finished toweling himself off in his bedroom. He laid a hand on it, peering down as if he had totally forgotten his stomach even existed. Discarding the wet towel on the floor, he dug through the piles of clothes until he found some most-likely-clean underwear and non-nasty gym shorts. Shirtless, he wandered upstairs.

He was never able to tell just how many of his housemates were home at any given time. There were eight bedrooms in the house, and theoretically eight occupants, but he never saw more than two of them at a time. He often saw their visitors more than he saw them. He felt like he knew Hinata’s partner more than he knew Hinata himself. Ennoshita was the only one that Daichi ever held actual conversations with, even though he saw Kageyama a lot, but that guy was hard to talk to.

Luckily, no one was in the kitchen to disturb him as he pulled a container of questionable leftovers out of the fridge and popped it into the microwave. Leaning against the counter, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Suga before he could change his mind.

“Daichi!” Suga answered, sounding excited.

He rubbed the back of his neck, allowing a small smile to turn up his lips. “Hey, Suga—”

“It’s about damn time we hear from you,” Suga continued, his voice turning sour. “We actually thought you might’ve died.”

“Sorry. I’m not dead.”

“Obviously.”

There was a pause.

“Are you okay?” Suga asked.

“Yeah,” he said, the lie he’d told so many times. “I’m better, at least.”

“Good.” Suga was quiet for a few more moments. “I’ve missed you.”

“Come over,” he heard himself saying. “I mean, when you’re done with work. If you’re still at work.”

“I stayed late today, so, yeah, still at work. ‘Cause of your sick ass.” Daichi could hear the smirk in that last comment.

“Sorry,” he said, smiling.

“I’ll be over soon. I’ll let Asahi know you’re not dead.”

“Thanks.”

A contemplative hum came over the line. “Daichi.”

“Yeah?”

“If you need space, just tell me, okay?” he asked. “I don’t like being left in the dark.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Sorry…”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.”

Suga hung up and Daichi lowered his phone, setting it down on the counter. Suga knew something, and Daichi didn’t like that he knew without having been the one to tell him. 

The microwave beeped, and when he opened it, he found that the takeout container was not actually microwave safe. He dropped the compromised mess into the trashcan with a sigh. Maybe Suga would bring him something to eat. He sulked back downstairs and promptly deposited himself back onto his futon.

\--

He didn’t even realize he was asleep until a weight lowered onto the side of his futon and his eyes shot open.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Suga said, his face right above Daichi’s.

Daichi smiled and pulled him into a hug, but wasn’t quite awake enough to form words.

“I tried calling you, but you left your phone in the kitchen.” He nudged the side of Daichi’s head with it. “Your roommate let me in, the bubbly one.”

“Shouyou?” Daichi asked, his voice husky with disuse.

“Mm, I think so.” Suga sat up and pulled Daichi with him. Daichi saw his eyes wander down the bareness of his chest before he looked him in the eye. He held that eye contact as he reached out and put a hand gently on the side of Daichi’s face, running his thumb over his cheekbone. Daichi smiled and leaned into the touch.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and Suga frowned. “I just needed a few days. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you.”

“It’s okay. I can’t be mad at you when you look so pathetic.”

“Hey!” Daichi laughed, but he knew how pathetic he must look; thankfully Suga didn’t see him before he showered. Yikes.

Suga leaned their foreheads together. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said. “Want to get out of the house?”

Daichi shook his head almost immediately. “No,” he said. “Let’s watch a movie.” His disentangled himself from Suga and his bedding and retrieved his laptop from the floor where he had shoved it out of the way so it didn’t get stepped on. 

Suga reached over the side of the futon, as well, and picked up a couple of takeout bags. “Dinner and a movie,” he said with a grin.

Daichi’s stomach gave an approving growl as they reclined against the wall. “You’re a literal lifesaver.”

“Too sick to feed yourself?” Suga asked.

“Yeah, something like that,” Daichi said.

He could feel Suga watching him as he pulled up a movie. He didn’t want to waste time deciding what to watch and just picked something at random; he didn’t intend to pay too much attention to it anyway. Suga offered him a bag and he took it graciously, still conscious of Suga’s glances.

“Is this movie okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

He lifted an arm, a silent invitation to cuddle. Suga didn’t waste a second and nestled into Daichi’s side with a sigh. “I missed you,” Daichi breathed into Suga’s soft hair, pressing a kiss to his scalp. He had somehow forgotten how comforting it was to have Suga’s presence near him. Daichi didn’t know shit about flowers, but there was definitely something comfortingly floral about Suga that flooded his senses.

Suga nuzzled gently against his bare chest, his content hum vibrating straight through to his heart.

They remained silent for a while, but Daichi wasn’t thinking about the movie.

Apparently Suga wasn’t, either. He said, quietly, “I thought I scared you away.”

Daichi’s breath caught in his chest and he looked down as Suga looked up through his light lashes. “What?”

Suga’s smile was timid, a hand traced circles on Daichi’s chest. “It’s just been a while,” he said. “I was pressing, and then you disappeared…” He pressed the heel of his hand into his eye and let out a light, humorless laugh. “I…kinda thought you were ignoring me.”

“No!” Daichi said. “No, nonono.”

Suga raised an eyebrow at him. “I know that wasn’t what it was. You were ignoring Asahi, too.” He gave Daichi a smile that he couldn’t quite read. “But for a while… I thought I disgusted you.”

“Suga…” Daichi protested in his softest voice, his hand finding Suga’s and squeezing. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“I know,” Suga sighed, laying his head back down on Daichi’s chest. “It was stupid.”

“I was stupid.”

“Asahi told me you just get like this sometimes.”

Daichi tensed. He should have known Asahi would say something. Even though he knew that Asahi was probably just trying to make Suga feel better, some sort of rage bubbled up inside of him. It wasn’t Asahi’s secret to tell.

Suga felt the tension, and added, “We don’t have to talk about this. I’m sorry for bringing it up. I just want you to know that it’s okay. I understand.” Then he fell silent.

Daichi’s eyes were on the screen, but he wasn’t processing what was happening in the movie he’d already seen a dozen times. He frowned. He wanted to tell Suga everything, but there were things to be said that he couldn’t even admit to himself. “I think you’re beautiful,” he said after some time. 

“Oh?” Suga looked up at him again, a soft smile on his lips at the memory of that first confession.

It seemed like a lifetime ago, though it was really only a few months. He kissed Suga’s forehead. “Yeah,” he said. “Inside and out.”

“Now you’re just being gross,” Suga said with a laugh, though his eyes were appreciative.

He wondered if this was what it felt like to fall in love. Or if this was just what being alive was always supposed to feel like. Either way, he liked it, and he didn’t want anything to change. He closed his laptop and the sound cut out, leaving the room intimately quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!!! Hopefully updates will be regular again, but I make so promises... Find me on tumblr [@tiredasahi](http://tiredasahi.tumblr.com)!!!


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